This is my story of how God saved me, and changed my life. (1000 words/4-6 min read)
It took me a quarter of a century to realize why God has allowed me to go through everything in my past; because He was drawing me back to Him. It also took me that long to realize, and accept that I have Bipolar disorder. After figuring out that I have a mental illness, my life finally started to make a lot more sense.
For a long time I was an absolute fool. It’s fair to say that I had the “ain’t lookin’ for nothin’ but a good time” attitude. If it was fun, or if it made me feel good, that’s what I was after!
However, some of the the avenues I sought out to help relieve my depressed moods often turned into a dead end, and left me feeling a little more dead inside each time. Despite being let down over, and over again, I kept going back to the same foolish behaviors because of the temporary satisfaction it brought me.
I used to fill my mind with garbage from the internet, tv, radio, and lots of other sources. I’m definitely not proud of the garbage that came out of my mouth, along with many actions I regret.
The path behind me looked like destruction. I ruined relationships, death was never far away, and some days I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror.
At times I had a good job, or a balance I approved of in my bank account. The more money I made, the more I wanted to make. But no matter how much money I had, it was never enough to satisfy my thirst. The happiness gained by obtaining material possessions was very temporary.
As a pastor's kid, I grew up attending church. I learned how to “talk and act like a Christian”. The problem is, I haven’t always “walked like a Christian”. I was a good faker, or at least I thought I was, but I wasn’t fooling anyone except myself.
My behaviors were like a light switch that I learned how to turn on and off depending on who I was around, or where I was at the time. I hardly ever stopped to contemplate that God was watching me, and judging my motives all along, until I changed my attitude.
How I came back to Christ
After facing the fact that I have Bipolar disorder, and admitting that I needed help treating it, I started to seek out help and support on earth, and from up above.
I finally realized that living a life for myself was only creating more, and more misery for others in my life, and myself. I asked God to break my heart for what breaks His, and He broke my heart completely.
I decided to start living for God instead of myself. When I decided this, it led me to recommit my life completely to Jesus Christ.
I would say that I’m a “stuffer”, not a “gusher”, when it comes to my emotions, but God brought me to my knees, and lots of tears. I wept for all the hurt, pain, and suffering that I have caused people in my life.
Despite my past mistakes, I believed that God still loved me. I also believed that he wanted to forgive me, and use me for His purposes. I accepted His forgiveness for all my sins by receiving Jesus back into my life as my Lord and Savior.
My Life After recommitting my Life to Christ
To be clear, I am still a work in progress, and will be until the day I die. I know I’m far from perfect! I make my fair share of mistakes, and bad decisions, just like everyone else.
By no means do I use this as an excuse, but having a chronic mental illness means that everyday brings its own struggles. Despite this, I began making positive changes in my life.
I changed my overall attitude from pleasing Jordan to pleasing God. I realized that I couldn’t live life without having, and pursuing a relationship with Jesus. Anything else would just be existing.
I stopped running away from God, and started running to Him. I do this by consistently reading the Bible, praying, and attending church. I take time as well to focus on supportive habits, like doing devotionals.
I used to consider myself an intellect until God showed me how foolish my ways were. I began to see how Godly wisdom is worth pursuing over any amount of worldly wealth, so I stopped putting my security in a job, or income, and started putting it in my relationship with Jesus.
I used to be very shy about my faith, and telling others about how Jesus has changed my life, but that’s not the case anymore. Let’s be real, my testimony is on the world wide web!
My faith was weak, perhaps dead, and meaningless altogether. But now instead of constantly looking like a hypocrite, and misrepresenting God’s truth, I am working towards making progress, not perfection.
All these changes, and others, started by realizing I needed Jesus. Then I accepted his grace, mercy, and the free gift of salvation.
I plan on helping to “Make America Great Again” by sharing my testimony with those around me that are willing to listen. I also plan on working for the Lord the rest of my days, no matter what “job” I have, where I live, or what the weather is like.
People can change. If I didn’t believe it, I wouldn’t even be alive. My past reckless behaviors have almost sent me to a grave many times, but a relationship with Jesus changes everything. I am choosing to let my life be an example of that.
This page was last updated on 10/23/19